Dilemma for a Saturday

For our first full day in the Gambia, my brother-in-law and family are invited to a naming ceremony. This is an age-old tradition embedded in West Africa’s social fabric. No one tries to choose baby names during pregnancy, as this is considered very bad luck.

A double-edged honor is being bestowed on our family, as the baby is being named after my 16-year old nephew. He’s taking both his first and last name. While this implies a measure of respect to the family, it also comes with the expectation that the person whom the baby is named after will pay the child’s school fees, buy him new clothes for festivals, and even care for him whenever the family drops him off at their home. And, in this case, there is a moral dilemma. The father of the baby (I’ll call him Lamin, the most typical local name), a long-time friend of my brother-in-law’s, is a member of the Baha'i Faith, but this is the naming ceremony for the first baby of Lamin’s second wife. Taking a second wife violates Baha'i law, and also goes against one of the Faith’s central principles, the equality of women and men. At the same time, respect for cultural diversity is another important belief. So a fine line must be walked between standing up for principle and respecting local customs.

The act of taking a second wife is so engrained in traditional Gambian society, that it is something most families take pride in. As it was explained to me, the first wife is usually an arranged marriage and the second is usually someone the groom chooses for himself. With so many men taking as many as four wives, this practice has become integral to this region’s social and economic life: the wives represent labor at home, on the farm, and of course, they bear children. The more prosperous you are, the more wives you can “take.”

So, there is a very real dilemma for Saturday. Lamin’s family thinks they are giving an honor to my nephew by naming his child after him, but the hope was that he would know better than to take a second wife. On the other hand, this is a crucial part of the social system here. How can real, systemic change take place when such practices and inequalities perpetuate, even among those who embrace more progressive principles? We decided that the two more crucial members of the family will attend the ceremony and offer a gift that would benefit the child’s education. Sometimes, change needs to come slowly, through a relationship of trust and friendship.